Joining the Committee, Part Two

I realize that eventually I'm going to need to do a part three, so I retract my previous statement that this is a two part post, and no claim that it is going to be a three part post, as I will have to write about my post-surgical experiences as well.

Anyway, so part two. The Journey from Consult to Surgery.

When I got the job teaching at Stony Brook, and the accompanying amazing health insurance, I decided to give things a shot. I had, once before, had a consult for a reduction, but my insurance at the time wouldn't have covered it. So I figured I'd try again.

When my mom worked at North Shore Hematology/Oncology, they would send their breast cancer  patients to Dr. Letourneau for any reconstructive surgery. My mom's close friend also had a breast reduction done there. Everyone in the area who knows of Dr. Letourneau says the same thing: she's the best, she's a perfectionist, etc.

So back in March, I call to make an appointment for a consult with her and the soonest they can get me in is May 31st. So I take it. The day comes (which also happened to be the day that Chris got his new car!), and we get to where I think the office is. Turns out, they moved since the last time I had been there. So we go to the new place, which is a beautiful brick building, and I fill out the paperwork, and wait. When doctor comes in, she marks up my boobs, and we talk about the procedure a bit.

She is fantastic. She's a very quirky, funny person, who obviously knows and loves what she does. Her nurse practitioner, Denise, used to work with my mom, and is also wonderful (I've been calling her almost once a day, and she's been amazingly helpful). So here's what we work out at the appointment.

Surgery scheduled for the 27th, I have to go in for "markings" on the 25th, which is where they draw on me with marker. Woo hoo. In the meantime, I need a note from my OB-GYN, my primary care doctor, and the chiropractor that they've recommended for me. I also need an ultrasound of my breasts, and to schedule pre-surgical testing at the hospital.

So I start calling and scheduling. My OB-GYN calls me back and basically asks what I want the letter to say, so I tell her and she sends it off. Check. My GP won't write me a letter until I see her. So I make that appointment. When I get there, she realizes that she wrote the same letter for me years ago (which I said when I left a message with her secretaries), which just super-frustrated me because I had to come home early from visiting my parents and pay the copay for the damned appointment. But she says she'll write the letter. Check.

Ultrasound the next day. I've had one on my gall bladder before, but having one on your boobs is...weird to say the least. Anyway, check. The next day is the chiropractor. She is awesome. She looked and felt and said that my whole upper body is out of whack and that she'd not only be happy to write the letter, but would also like to help me re-learn to stand properly when I'm all healed up. Hooray! Check. But she also wants me to have an x-ray done so she can establish a baseline.  So I go back to the same place where I'd had the ultrasound the day before and get an x-ray. Check.

Breathe.

The next week, the phone calls start again. Denise calls from Dr. L's office saying she hasn't gotten ANYTHING from my GP or the chiropractor. She calls the chiropractor and gets the letter, and I call my GP. THE SECRETARIES IN MY DOCTOR'S OFFICE ARE NASTY BITCHES. They won't call me back, they told me the letter was sent when it wasn't, and they WERE NASTY TO MY OTHER DOCTOR'S OFFICE when Denise called to actually get the letter. BLAH! But, check and check.

Then I go for pre-surgical testing, which includes: blood tests, urine tests, blood pressure stuff, etc. The NP here looked at my chart and said "Oh! Breast reduction! I had mine in March!" She then puffs out her chest and starts raving about how much I'm going to love the way I look and feel and how the back pain is better the moment you wake up from surgery. It was awesome to get that sort of encouragement. So that's done. Check.

So yeah, now's just the waiting game. We're still waiting on final approval from the insurance company, but I looked on their website at the policy regarding this procedure, and I have MORE than enough to prove what I need to prove.

Oh! Almost forgot. In prep for the surgery, I cannot eat the following: garlic, celery, ginger, capsicum (hot peppers), and many many more things. Some of this is fine, but GARLIC!? I can't live without garlic. It's becoming problematic. I'm DATING AN ITALIAN . But I'm coping with a smile.

I don't know if it's healthy to be this excited for surgery.

<3B

I am joining the committee... Part One.

The itty-bitty-titty committee, that is.

Yes, you read right, on June 27th I'm kissing the DD's goodbye and saying hello to a pair of cute and perky B-C cups. That is if insurance is going to pay for it, which all of my doctors don't think is going to be any issue at all.

So yeah, I'm having a breast reduction. I'm not sure it's possible to this excited to have invasive surgery, but I am. So here's the story from the beginning, which will soon be followed by a (fairly) detailed itinerary of the precedings to the surgery.

I've been busty ever since I developed in sixth grade, but it didn't really start bothering me until late into high school. At that point, I started experiencing lower back pain and trouble buying things such as bathing suits and bras. As I got older, it really only got worse. Being a gymnast and a cheerleader, there was always extra strain being put on my back, and "the girls" didn't help the matter any. I would have to wear a regular bra under my sports bra to get any sort of reliable support while working out. Then in college it got worse. I started developing groves in my shoulders where my bra straps sit (in running your finger along my shoulder you can feel the muscle slant down and turn into bone), and the pain and discomfort was becoming constant. My posture was being affected, and because of that the pain started to crawl up into my neck. Since then, the pain continues to increase and I've developed other symptoms, such as numbness in my fingers that we thought was carpal tunnel, but turned out to be because my neck and the nerves in my shoulders are out of whack. There are days when all of the pain is manageable, and I can go about like a normal human being, but then there are days when the pain is so bad that the only possible comfortable position is lying flat on my stomach on the couch.

In addition to all of the physical discomfort, being large-chested created a gamut of emotional issues as well. I know some people might be thinking  "Oh come on, Becky. You're blessed with a chest, most women would kill for your boobs," and I know damn well that some people go out and have exactly the opposite surgery (C-DD via implants). But it's not easy to shop for a bathing suit when you're fairly modest and on a modest budget. If I don't want my boobs hanging out all over the place, and I want a bathing suit top to fit me properly, I have to be ready to shell out between $70 and $100. And most of the time, they're not cute. I end up in bathing suits that look no different than a bra. Onto bras. They stop making cute bras when you get to around a D. So I'm left with huge grandma bras that cost me between $40 -$60 a pop, and some serious emotional distress. Clothes are a massive hassle as well. I can't buy any button down shirts, because I'm a 4-6 in the waist and a 10-12 up top. So what fits my tummy won't button over my top, and what fits my top looks HUGE on my stomach. This makes shopping for good clothes almost impossible, and is extremely demoralizing when I'd like to look like a young professional and cannot find anything reasonably priced that would make that possible. Plus the fact that in a lot of my clothing, I look much heavier than I am because of the way shirts sit on my boobs. It's a great way to make my body image go down the drain.

And there's nothing I can do about it on my own. Losing weight doesn't help because it comes off my waist and not my chest, which just leaves me more top heavy, and thus more uncomfortable than before. I was in PT for almost a year and it's wonderful while I'm going, but once insurance won't cover it anymore, I go right back to where I was. The chiropractor I saw recently even told me that it's almost pointless to do PT without "eliminating the problem" first. She said no matter how much I train and strengthen the muscles, the second I stop, I'm back to square one.

So yeah, I tried to schedule the surgery a few years ago, but my insurance was bad then. So now that I have really awesome Stony Brook insurance, I figured I'd try again. I have the summer off, so it seemed the perfect time to do it, so I scheduled a consult and now June 27th is the day!

More about the procedure and the events leading up to it to come!

<3 B

Every new beginning comes from some other begginning's end...

It's funny, when "Closing Time" first started playing on the radio when I was in elementary school (yes, I'm a baby), I thought that line was the most beautiful, poignant statement I had ever heard in my life. Almost 15 years later, I now realize that the line is perhaps the most obvious, logical thing anyone could ever say. The night ends, and the day begins, Spring ends, and Summer begins.

Grad school ends, and being a grown-up begins.

It is between this ending and beginning that I find myself lately. It's my own personal limbo. Somewhere between being a student and a young-adult and being a young-professional, a teacher, and an grown-up. It's been interesting so far; fun and exciting sometimes, mostly ridiculously stressful, but overall an adventure that I'm enjoying. In this purgatory, I've found myself thinking a lot about what I want out of life, and what is most important to me. I've had a lot that I've wanted to get out in the past few months, and after reading Caitlin's blog (and maybe stalking a few of her friend's blogs), I found myself envious of the outlet they all have.

So I made one.

In the past when I've had blogs and journals, I've gotten really bad at keeping up with them because of the standard I tend to hold myself to. I feel like in writing, I'm always obligated to say something inspiring and life-changing, and I'm going to use this blog to get over that. It's stupid. I have nothing to prove here, and telling myself that is quite freeing and might get me writing much more often.

This blog is going to be a record of a lot of things. I'm going to write about life as it comes at me, because everything now is new and exciting. I'm going to write about writing, particularly the process of writing the musical, 210 Amlent Avenue, that I'm currently writing with my amazing composer friend, Karl. I'm going to write about my dog, because she's awesome, my boyfriend because he's wonderful, and occasionally about cupcakes, because they're just about my favorite thing ever.

But for now, I'm off to go get ice cream with Chris.

My next entry will be about the decision to have the super exciting surgery that I'm having on June 27th! I'll leave you in suspense for the time being.


Love and cupcakes,

Becky